Title: Sage of Light

Gender: Male

Age: 25

Sun Sign: Libra

Chinese Sign: Wood Rat

Location: Angels Camp, Califronia

I have been asleep for most of my life:  I now find myself no longer dreaming, but lying in my bed cold from the sweat that came from my tormented nightmare.  I should have chosen to wake up a long time ago… instead i allowed myself to be trapped in samsara—knowing it is only an illusion, yet i remain–trapped.

Some people would say that i have manic depression, but i'm not so sure…   I think it is both: an organic dis-ease within my neural circuits, as well as 'emotional problems' (personality traits) that stem from childhood games with my parents–who seperated when i was 12.  For 3.5 arduous years i was torn between both parents:  they had their bright side, and then of course their dark side.   of course that made it all the more confusing for me… 

my life and emotions became literally BIPOLAR:
i stayed w/ my mother:  my father is wealthy enough to own his own business–in doing so he built an office building as an extension of our house (not connected).  after the seperation,
mom & i would be at home, and we could hear my father approach the office building from an alley way. 

I was torn.  I loved and hated both of my parents.   Sadly all three of us have become ensnared in this imbroglio:  mom and dad would use me against oneanother… and to get what I wanted (since I was being neglected by both parents at the time, hardly had any friends or nearby family.)  since i was getting no attention, love, or admiration for growing up and doing hardwork…  i began to use my parents against themselves for my own profit….   

this cycle of karma is not mine alone (i imagine millions of people with similar set of circumstances)

it is karma….   my father, mother, and myself are now all suffering—i could have stopped much of it long ago by changing my ways and “WAKING UP”, but sadly i have lost something more precious than gold: TIME.

Member Since: Monday, November 06 2006

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